Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!

Ho ho ho! It's beginning to look A LOT like Christmas!!!

Here's the view from the 29th floor... just minutes ago (2 in the afternoon!)...

I'm Good

I bet you've been wondering where I've been haven't you??

Well I am once again ensconced in my cosy condo high in the skies over Toronto, enjoying the marvelous view and the endless warmth of the wonderful heating system. No one believes me when I tell them my house in Albania is permanently at 17 degrees celsius. But it's the truth! Well at least between October and March. In the other months it's about 37 degrees. I love being able to walk over to the thermostat and nudge it just a tad and wooooosh suddenly I have heat. No waiting for 2 hours for the radiators to heat up, no enduring the cold blast of wind from the air conditioners which are used in winter for heat. No, I am warm and snuggly here and loving it. (Okay sometimes I do complain about overheating!)

I flew here last Friday with such ambivalent feelings- I was torn between cancelling my ticket because Coco has still not reappeared in our lives, and wanting to be 'home' with my family in Toronto for the holidays. Well I am here and it is the right place to be. Now we're just waiting for Dec. 31st when Peter will join us for about 11 days.


I was reading a blog this morning on Skirt.com and I was reminded of one of my favourite poems, Desiderata by Max Ehrman, so I'm sharing it with you this morning. Every bit of spiritual wisdom from all the world's great religions is summed up in this treasure. Read it, believe it, live it, and the world changes.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

(c) Max Ehrman 1926

Italy Confronts Puppy Smugglers

Italy has announced a campaign to stop the illegal smuggling and traffiking of dogs.

Here's a link to the BBC News video special report from yesterday.

Notice they specify Shih Tzu's as being one of the most wanted breeds.

LuLu is actually Sara!

Well.... how fast our lives change!

I was just about to take 'LuLu' to the vet for her check-up when a friend called me and told me that she had someone at her door looking for a lost Shih Tzu puppy. I got the info and gave him a call (ohhhh how I honestly wished I didn't have to!)... and he came round to see if it was his lost puppy. Of course it was his. He had bought it for his mother and she had been crying all week. I understand the feeling. I (relunctantly) gave her back, after reassuring him that I had been loving her since Monday afternoon and that she had two baths so far. His smile was all I needed to see to know that I had done the right thing.

So she is gone... and for Sara the story has a happy ending.

But for us... we are still waiting for a miracle.

Introducing... LuLu

As I told you... a little Shih Tzu puppy 'miraculously' appeared at our gate within hours of our Coco being stolen. I think it's time for you to meet her!

After 4 days without a name and being called 'puppy' and 'baby', we have decided to name her LuLu. She's incredibly sweet (as all shih tzu's are), but completely unhousebroken. This leaves me in a difficult position because I already have my ticket to Canada for a week from today. Peter will be here in Tirana until the end of the month but he's working of course, so I will have to see if our lovely Albanian dogsitting family would be willing to take her for a month and to try helping with the training. I pray they won't mind.

My feelings are quite torn in two by having her. She isn't our Coco, but she is so charming. I'm not sure it's the normal thing to do-- getting a new puppy as soon as your dog has disappeared, but LuLu seems to have been sent to us as a little angel. Holding her this week and being able to talk to her has helped me deal with the heartache and pain of not knowing where Coco is.

I Am Nothing

I thought I was God. I can do anything. I helped my parents. My wife's parents. My sisters. My children have all they need. My wife is happy. There are so many people we have met in our travels that I have been able to help. A sweet Colombian girl that had so many issues. She is happily married to the man of her dreams. A Romanian friend has a husband and a dear child. Our Macedonian friends are expecting a child. Another Romanian friend has her small business and has been described by one of her peers as the 'energizer bunny' of the Romanian north. She has her own bed and breakfast and her tour agency. And I am so proud of my staff in Albania. But I couldn't keep my Coco safe. She was stolen. I don't know where she is. I am so tired of being God. I am so small. If there is a God, how does He live with himself? There is so much suffering. God can stop it. Why doesn't He? I am nothing. It must be so hard to be God.

Peter

The Story Thus Far

What can I say? I am heartbroken, P is heartbroken... our world has changed. I will never understand theft of any kind, but for someone to brazenly open our gate and lift our dear little Coco into their arms and take off with her, is beyond my understanding. After some investigation, 2 boys and a man told us that they had just seen 2 teenage boys walking down the street with a fluffy white dog in their arms. They asked for directions out to the main road, which makes us think they weren't from the neighbourhood. They've either taken her impulsively or they might work for some local dog stealing ring. The police are investigating as are all our friends in the city. Our vet has been notified. We miss her more than you can know.

BUT this is where it gets very weird.

Later in the afternoon the doorbell rang and I ran downstairs. Our next door neighbour was standing there with a tiny dog in his arms. A dog that looks just like our Coco but is only a few months old.

"Is this your dog?" he asked. But of course not. I burst into tears and took the puppy into my arms. Apparently the puppy had just been found in a nearby woods. He told me there was another bigger dog somewhere in the woods that looked like this one but was bigger. Then he told me to jump into his jeep and go look for the other dog. So I did. But by the time we got there, there was no other dog, just a group of boys who were calling her name and looking under the bushes. I was so disappointed. We got back into his jeep and came home. He promised we would find my dog somehow.

I asked who the puppy belonged to, but he repeated that it had been found and had no owner at the moment. So I asked if I could keep it until someone came looking for her. "Yes, yes" he said.

So here I am.... missing my dog with all my heart, but with a tiny angel at my feet. I dare not give her a name because she might be taken away at any moment. But she's a tiny changeling and she's slowly making her way into my heart.

Stolen!

If you live in Tirana and see my dog... please email me khakkenberg (at) gmail (dot) com

Someone stole her from my garden this morning and my heart is broken.

There are Two Kinds of People

"People who read are voyeurs... people who write are exhibitionists."

The Big P (my hubby)

The Joy of Blogging

Leaves in Vienna, Oct. 2008

So I bet you've been wondering where I have been right? Hahaa... I know the truth is I can disappear for weeks, maybe months at a time and you wouldn't even notice!! I could hide myself in the piles of leaves I found last week in Vienna and would you even think to look for me? Like the proverbial needle in a haystack, I would be difficult to find. Or perhaps not. The real truth is that some of you would miss me- I know it!

There's something totally wonderful about the blogging community. Once you've established a presence on the web through a blog your readers become your friends. Not friends in the traditional sense of the world, but in a completely new and lovely way. We open ourselves to each other. Yes we make ourselves vulnerable. And to me that is so utterly awesome! When you (yes you) don't blog for sometime, I wonder about you. I think about you. I worry about you. Are you alright? Has something happened to you? Did your computer break down?

Don't let anyone tell you we aren't 'real' friends. We make connections here. We share what is common between us, and we are also free to share our differences. Some of us share our observations, especially those of us known as 'expats'. The worlds we now live in are sometimes so completely different from our places of origin that we experience our lives at an entirely new level of intensity.

There's a paradox here.

My world feels smaller because of you -- and my world feels larger because of you.

Isn't that magical? I think so.

My blog, and my blogging friends bring me joy.

And so I thank you for being there -- and for being here when you can.